Thursday, October 27, 2011

Trying time

I am all stressed up now. It has mainly to do with Anya's sleep woes. It seem like a wrong move to transit her to bed after all. 

Much as I wish to elaborate here, I am reluctant to do so. As I do not wish to dwell too much on the undesirable behavior of my own child lest I start branding her negatively.
At this point, I am at my wits' end. I have tried various methods I read on books, the internet etc and they are not working. I have also been seeking advice from fellow mommy friends who have successfully transit their children to bed. While methods that work for their children may not work for me, I find that talking to / whatsapp-ing them does help to ease my anxieties, knowing that someone else has somewhat gone through what I am going through.

It is during times like this that I always find myself striking myself in my head because I realised that I have not been turning to God as much as I should be. Today, I lost my head and raised my voice at Anya. Immediately I saw fear in her eyes. I picked her up, and apologised to her, cradling her while she threw her little arms tightly around me. Thank God she did not reject me. I was guilt-stricken. I knew that I had lost my cool when I should not. I was letting my stress and in turn, the devil, get onto me. And the result was hurting my own child. When we said grace at lunch later on, I asked for forgiveness from God and my child. Of course, my little girl probably did not understand the meaning of the prayer though she did seem more subdued than usual for saying grace.

So, humility takes many lessons to be learned. At least, in my case. Oftenly, I obsessed with the methodology of parenting my child and half the times, I let my instincts and logic take over to decide which way should be the best way. I forgot that our child really is a gift bestowed by our Father to me and The Husband and that He is the best person to seek in parenting our child. 

It is with a grateful heart that I end off this post. Because I have prayed when I am most desperate and despite the fact that I had not been seeking Him till now, I think He has spoken. Go north, He said. Peculiar answer. I checked using my iPhone's compass function and found that the north of Anya's room is where the cot is. Now, I pray that my faith will not falter, but will instead strengthen.

I am not sure how long more this trying time will last. I just pray that His strength and wisdom will carry us through.  
You are one of God's most wonderful gift to us.

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