Goodbye 2011

We are counting down to the last hours of 2011. Here I am, having a quiet moment (because it's in the middle of the nightb& I am up expressing milk), flurry of images of events of the year fleeted through my mind - as if I'm watching a slideshow.

Here is a consolidation of my 2011:

Relationship with God

We have not been attending church nor cell for a few months now. That should not affect my relationship with God if I had been conscientiously spending time with Him and seeking Him in my daily walk. The truth is, I have not. So, in all honesty, I find my spiritual growth stagnating. I remember a fellow sister-in-Christ shared with me this statement before: "There is no such thing as stagnant in spiritual growth. The moment you are stagnant; you are in fact backsliding.". Admittedly, she is right. My fundamental beliefs is still the same. But I need a change of heart. I need to feel closer to Him to feel complete as a person again. Staying close to Him will naturally equip me in becoming a better wife and mother. This is the one aspect that I really wish and pray for a breakthrough in 2012.

Having a helper

Well, this is a biggie for me because I need large amount of personal space. That is why I detest taking MRTs during peak hours. It is also the same reason why I haven't been to any clubs (except on my hens' night) nor countdowns in the last decade. To have a stranger in my living space is a gigantic no-no.

BUT. Between retaining sanity and treasuring personal space, the choice is obvious. Still, it takes some adapting to, which I am proud to say I did quite well. I psyched myself to the idea of having someone else in the house weeks before The Helper arrived. In addition, I am relieve that she learned (from the trainings she went through) and understood our need for personal space. Unless necessary, she tries to keep out of our way and not be in the same room as us at any point in time. Plus, so far, she has proven to be a significant help for me. She helps to take care of most of the menial work around the house while I concentrate in caring for the girls and doing all the brain works behind running the household. On top of that, she is generally quite good with Anya making it easier for me when both girls need attention. In retrospect, I am really glad that I took The Husband's suggestion to hire a stay-in help.

An addition to the family

 This has to be one of the happiest thing that happened to me in 2012. It was in our family plan - to try for another child this year. By God's blessing, we got our heart's desire. She came in the form of a chubby baby girl who came just one month before the year ends. One month later, she has become chubbier. Every time I change her and see her rotund belly getting even rounder, it makes my chest swell with pride. Yeah, the pride of a breastfeeding mom. (Oops! Pun wasn't intended.)

Another pregnancy, another trying 9 months 

I was pregnant three quarter of the time this year. Been pregnant is very trying for me. I throw up, and I throw up some more. I get dehydrated and become so weak that I literally crawled to the bath room (to throw up even more). So I had to be admitted to be on drips. It was down on the same road as the first pregnancy! Thankfully, the story after the hospitalization part changed partially. The OBGYN found a drug that was effective in curbing my throwing up. Never mind that the drug was intended for cancer-stricken patients who are undergoing chemotherapy (it is safe for the baby though). Never mind that a month's dosage costs more than $700. It is effective. Yay! I could have thrown a party to celebrate, except that I still has to deal with excessive salivation, heartburns, as well as other common pregnancy symptoms.

Like the first pregnancy, the trying nine months has been a test for me The Husband and I in many ways. He had to be away from work more so he could substitute me at home. He had to push away work trips & meetings just to take care of Anya and I. Seeing me go through all that, it was heart-wrenching for him. I have lost count of the times that he said, "That's it. No more number 3.". For me, it was a test of faith. Second round. I question why God put me through so much in both pregnancies. I cried a lot. It was an outlet for me. I remembered at one pointed, I posted on my Facebook account that I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, even when I clearly knew that it would come to pass after the pregnancy was over. Besides the emotions, there was also the stress of having to deal with the extras that came along with the stork. Caregiving arrangements so I could be on bed rest, preparing for number 2's arrival which included sleep-training Anya in her bed so Arielle could inherit her cot - that went oh-so-wrong.

Trying as it could be - being pregnant, I am relieve to say that we passed the tests. Plus we get a beautiful healthy baby at the end of it. :)

Relationships: Win some; lose some

Okay, 'lose' is an exaggeration. But. Admittedly, social life has taken a back seat since we embarked on parenthood. We can no longer socialize at the frequency that we were used to before parenthood. Meeting up are reserved for a handful of close friends who has helped me to hold onto my sanity (Thanks y'all, you know who you are). Or I will try to make it for bigger group gatherings where I get to meet up with a few friends at one meeting. Yeah, economies of scale. So naturally, I have drifted apart from some.

As for the winning relationships, other than the handful of close friends, are kinship. My mom, parents-in-law, sister-in-law, The Husband. In short, those who saw us through this trying time. Through kind and affirming words and through acts of service, they touched our hearts. And our relationships with them nurtured.

Enjoying Anya

Anya in January

Anya in December

The year saw Anya from a chubby crawling baby to an active running little girl. These days, she is capable of her own her thoughts and expressing them outright to us. No doubt, there are times when she disagrees with us, act defiantly, throw tantrums - all in all, giving us headaches. But hey! That is part of parenthood, deal  isn't it? Loving our child even when she may exhibit unlovable behaviours occasionally. Other times which constitute a large part of the entire year, I enjoy her even more. Her sweetness, her thoughtfulness, her joyfulness, her cheeky side, her laughter, and basically, the essence of her. It has been quite an experience, seeing my own child growing and getting to know her personality.

In conclusion, it has been a year that we go through yet another season of change. While there were trying times, all in all, we reaped fruitful harvests. More importantly, we are intact as a happy loving family.Come 2012, I pray that we will settle well into a family of five, bonding even closer with the ones who matter, become healthier (and in the course of it, slimmer for me), grow in the spirit while continuing to play our roles well. Here's wishing you a blessed 2012!

Silly mommy

In case you think I have disappeared. Nope, I haven't.

In fact, I have a few half-written entries saved in as drafts that cannot be published simply because, well, they were half-written. And the reason why they were half-written were because my time are no longer mine with two little girls under my care who disrupt my line of thoughts by taking turns to wake up prematurely from their naps, demanding my attention when it is rightfully a time for me to have some peace and quiet.

Why a few half-written entries and not complete one entry before moving onto another? You'd ask.Well, the moment has passed, and the first entry simply do not seem relevant anymore the next time I sit in front of the laptop. Therefore, I have decided to go for shorter entries. More manageable, more achievable.

This one, is entitled 'Silly Mommy' because it depicts one of the many silly things that I've done.

Remember after that thigh-wedged-in-cot saga, we installed a surveillance camera in Anya's room to monitor on her movements during her nap? Well, I just put down for her nap 20 minutes ago. When I came back to my room, switched on my laptop and opened the webpage to check if she is asleep, here's what I see... ...

Earlier on, I was playing with Anya in her room. I was the one who had unwittingly placed the balloon in that strategic position. Duh.

Now, judging that there is no more movement in the cot (i think), I can only assume that she is asleep.

All hail the burping king!

Since the confinement nanny left, my little household has been obsessing over burping the baby. 

It seems that Arielle is a difficult baby to burp. Either that or we are rusty in expeling gas out of babies. Now, when I say we are rusty, the 'we' really refers only to my mom and myself. The Husband, on the other way, has no problem whatsoever in making Arielle belch.

Actually, my mom and I think that the strength of his pats are a little bit too strong for a teeny baby. When we voiced it out, The Husband cheekily retorts, "You all are just sore losers.". Duh.

As a result of my mom and my failure in burping, some of the feeding sessions have evolved into a game of "Pass the baby". Here's how it goes: After the baby finishes the bottle, my mom will burp her for a good ten minutes. When no gas comes out, I will take over for another five minutes or so. Still, nothing comes out of the baby, except for cries of protest that she is all gassy and uncomfortable.Then Burping King takes over. Once he sits her onto his lap, she goes all calm and quiet while he does his thing. Before long, we hear a resounding belch where Arielle will then settle peacefully back to sleep. 

Right now, I am adopting Burping King's seemingly-cruel-but-is-really-effective way of patting. Hard. More strength. So far, I have not been consistent in successfully burping the little one but interestingly, I did manage to expel some gas out for myself everytime we're at it. *belch!*

What has the big sister been up to?

... Having regular high tea sessions with her friends...

... Still very interested in our family photo album...

... Having a ball of a time...

... Testing out her baby sister's furniture...

... Channeling the hip hop junkie in her...

 

... Being a 'mommy' herself...

... Regressing to being a baby by imitating her little sister's behaviour...

... Last but not least, giving away loads of kisses and hugs to her baby sister. (I just realised I already have dozens of pictures taken of her kissing and cuddling Arielle.) :)

Exhausted.

Tired. Weary. Fatigue. Sleep-deprived. 

They all describe the state that I am in. And The Husband too. 

Everyday, by the time after we finish our dinner, I feel like we are running on back-up battery. Or in the world of iPhones, we would be running on the last 20% of our batteries where the battery icon the phone turns red. 

On some worse off days, like today, I am already on my last 20% by 5ish in the evening. After dinner, I am left with my final 10%. Right now, I can easily nod off if I get a minute of solitude. Yet, I am not going to bed. Gonna wait up to do a last round of milk expressing at 11:45pm before I call it a night. Then, my new day starts three hours later at 2:45am. 

So yeah, we are really exhausted. Pooped. Tired out. But it is good. This is a happy kind of exhaustion. A willing kind of sleep deprivation. A blissful kind of tiredness. A counting-my-blessings kind of weariness. A contented kind of fatigue.

All because of this thing called love. Praise God.

Midway to completing confinement

Two weeks old!

Today marks the end of two weeks of confinement. Another week more with the confinement nanny then my mom will take over for the last leg.

So how are we all holding up?

This time round, I am more lax with myself on the confinement rules. I bathe everyday using the herbal water that the nanny boils (I like the smell of it actually), shampooing my hair at every alternative days. I go out for walks in the neighbourhood estate. Last week, after our visit to the paed, The Husband even stopped by at Great World City so I could sneaked in a wee bit of retail therapy. At the main mealtimes, I eat whatever that the confinement nanny serve up to me. However, on top of that, I snack pretty much anything that I can lay my hands on around the house - fruits, seaweeds, cakes, biscuits of all sorts. By the way, I have a voracious appetite since D-day. I get hungry pangs every two hours! I blame it on all the breastfeeding I have been doing.

Speaking of which, learning from my last breastfeeding experience that was not so successful, I was determined to give my best shot this time round. In the first ten days, I have been nursing her every two to two and a half hours in the day and two and a half to three hours at night. Even at this frequency, it is apparent that the little one is not getting enough from me. I have changed strategy since as she is getting too comfortable at the breast, falling asleep and not waking up. 

Getting too comfy in Mommy's arms.

As a result, each supposed half-hour feed has stretched to one hour. Taking in the time taken for me to bond with Anya, eat, bathe and use the bathroom, I really do not have much left for sleep and rest. Now that my milk production has been established (50mls per pump which is not much), I decided to use the breast pump instead, making life easier for me. By doing so, we are also eliminating the possibility that Arielle could be snacking instead taking in proper feeds at each nursing session. Thankfully, Arielle is taking her milk better from the bottle, enabling her to have a full feed at every session.

Contented after a full feed.

Sleep-wise? Well, let's just say that sleep is the one thing that every one in our flat is deprived of. The Husband, being the ever hands-on father and supportive husband that he is, wakes up most of the times to check on us when I am up nursing / expressing milk or when baby's cries is prolonged. Anya, who is still joining us in our bed in the wee hours almost every night gets awaken by all the activities going on the room now and then. At 4am this morning, she startled me by suddenly sitting up while staring at me while I was expressing milk. The Helper is not spared either since the confinement nanny is sharing her room and would switch on the lights whenever she has to change or feed Arielle. Even The Furkid who sleeps in the kitchen gets disruptions too since we need to access the kitchen for milk storage and heating up milk.

"Sshhshhh... My baby sister is sleeping.."

Despite all the fatigue and madness going on,  we had our fair share of goodness too. The Husband and I are getting to know our little baby girl better, making it easier to care for her. Anya seems to have gotten used to the idea of having a baby in the house. While there were a a handful occasions that she got upset with us for not not get her desired attention from us, we are relieved that she remains loving towards her little sister so far. In fact, she has been taking her own initiative to give her baby sister goodnight / goodbye kisses whenever bedtime comes or when she is heading over to The In-laws' place.

Hugs... ...

... ... and kisses.

No doubt there has been occasional snappy exchanges but The Husband and I are well aware that fatigue is the reason why we are growing horns on our heads. All in all, I think we are doing okay. Between the both of us, we are putting our minds and efforts together  to establish Arielle's routine as well as to work out the kinks so that the kids' schedules complement each other. Hopefully, most of the kinks can be ironed out before our extra hands (in the form of confinement nanny and my mom) leaves us.

Jaundice

Over the weekend, we rented a photo-therapy lamp for Arielle's jaundice. The paediatrician's  order was 20 hours of therapy per day. He, however, warned that she would likely to cry her lungs out once we undress her. 

In the end, we only managed 8-9 hours per day. He was right, she cried. Then I joined in the crying too. I know, I am a softie.We came up with ways to soothe her - patting her, putting our palms over her chest and back till she calmed down, giving her a dummy, and finally, letting her lie on her belly such that the light is on her back instead. The last method, which was what we decided to adopt, has to be done under supervision where one of us - the confinement nanny, The Husband or myself will sit beside her.

The reason for putting her on her belly other than the reason that it soothes her? This way, she will not be looking at the lights, therefore do not have to wear that poorly designed eye mask that kept slipping off, blocking her nose and causing her to cry again. Between The Husband and I, we must have summoned up all sorts of bad words in our minds at least a dozen times each in the last three days, all because of that darn eye mask.

This morning, we went back to the paediatrician's office for a blood test. The result came back at a score of 15. The paed's instruction was to admit her to the hospital if the score is 16 and above. As we heaved a sigh of relief, we knew that we had to double our efforts. 

While jaundice is common among Asian babies and are treatable - usually cleared up by 1-2 months old, the process to recovery is a huge hassle. In the midst of managing the newness of caring for a baby which is a biggie by itself, jaundice comes along and brings along its obstacles in the form of sleepiness (which makes establishing breast milk production even more daunting!), many trips to the clinic for blood tests and assessments,  the aforementioned phototherapy treatment, and God forbids - admission of baby into the hospital. 

By doubling our efforts, hopefully Friday's blood test will reap a more favourable result.

Introducing Arielle...

Hello world, I am Arielle! It means Lioness of God. *ROARS*

... The newest addition to our family who will be the second main cast to this blog. She arrived on Monday morning. Thankfully, just like her big sister, it was another speedy delivery that required a short ten minutes of pushing and out she came. There are so many things that I am thankful about pertaining this delivery, especially the recovery part. Other than being terribly sleep-deprived (the downside of having overnight induction), both baby and mommy are given a clean bill of health and were given the green light to go home the following day. 

"This is my time of birth."

 

"That's me and my momma."

"My vital stats of birth.."

"Here's my first meeting with my big sister and receiving a cuddle from her."

Both Anya and The Furkid have taken to Arielle very well. The Furkid was friendly and affectionate right from the moment baby and I stepped home. This was a stark contrast to her one-week cold treatment to me when I came home with Anya. The big sister has been affectionate too. After a few days, she has somewhat registered that the 'Arielle'  in Mommy's belly is this baby Arielle, and has been cuddling her a lot. She, however, seems to miss me a lot - keeps asking for me and calling out for me. Well, the feeling is mutual. Am gonna spend some alone time with her tomorrow. 

"My big sister watching over me as I nap."

"My Fursister kissing me as I napped."

Right now, The Husband and I have finally sobered up slightly after some quality sleep last night, even though quality sleep really meant waking up twice to nurse, and another two more times to attend to Anya. The first night home was proven overwhelming for all of us with both of us totally knacked while the excited big sister, refused to sleep. As for baby Arielle, she has been doing her job just fine - latching on well, pooping after almost every feed and sleeping without much fuss. Prayerfully, she will not be as jaundiced as her big sister (we'll get to know tomorrow at the paed's office) so she can continue to feed well, allowing me to establish milk production. 

Alright, will write more about what I am thankful for this delivery when I am more up to it. Meanwhile, gonna catch another power nap before our new little star wakes up.

"So long, folks. Bub-bye!"